It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
