just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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