Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize