That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
