Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
