here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
