No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize