I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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