Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
