Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
