Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fill condoms, not promises.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
