They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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