I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
