i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
