you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think your dad took our porno
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
