How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
