I cannot find my penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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