There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
