And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
