Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
