my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
