believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
