So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
