A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
