Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize