it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
