he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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