This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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