Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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