if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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