dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you didnt know i had herpes?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
