You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
