I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize