somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
