Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Shame is for Republicans.
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