One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
