I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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