i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
