toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
