No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
