I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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