I'm going to jail i love you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
