Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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