recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sext me about skeletons
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
