The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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