i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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