Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
