I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize