Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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