Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
