I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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