I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
