I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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