In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
