I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
