No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Alive.
So much puke
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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