Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
