420 ftw
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
