Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
