No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize