period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My bed smells like the plague
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
