I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I die, sorry about rent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
