THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
