I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
