Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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