Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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