you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
