...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
