you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i came on her dog
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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