Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
