upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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