is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
