You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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