That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
