A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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