love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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