My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So much Jack, so little girl.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
