You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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