He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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