I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
